|Robbed of Everything
July 26, 2004
| Isolated in a dark dungeon Percy loses part of himself. Will things change when Snape turns up?
Thank you, Avon, for betaing this and encouraging me when I needed it!
Blood. All bloody. Red. His mother's hair was red. But this wasn't his mother.
Percy shuffled back to his place on the wall. From here it wasn't red. Everything was grey. Light from the window was grey, the floor was grey, red was grey. The world was grey.
Only the black was different. The black bundle of rags - Professor Snape - whispered something to him, but he didn't listen. He never listened to anyone. Only himself. The black bundle moved, slowly, waiting for him to fall asleep.
Percy shivered when the bundle made a noise. The same noise Ginny made when she had a nightmare. But that wasn't Ginny. He hadn't seen her in three years, but she couldn't have turned into a black bundle in that time.
The bundle moved again. Percy flattened himself against the wall. He didn't want the bundle to move, but things never did what he wanted them to.
He had only wanted to change things. Not do anything evil. He wasn't evil.
Again, the bundle made a noise. It was moving more, making sounds that send shivers down Percy's arms. It had been quiet before. Quiet and lonely. Now there was something - somebody - there and it was noisy and lonely.
Percy leaned his head against the wall. He couldn't lie down. He would sleep. And then the black shape would come.
Only the black shape was already there. Were the black bundle and the black shape the same?
There, movement again!
His head turned to look at the bundle. The back of his head stung suddenly. The bundle was moving, shivering, alive. It made another noise and Percy crawled even further away. He didn't want to be here when it woke up.
He drew his knees close to his chest and observed. He had always been good at that. He had always observed. Everything and everybody.
He had wanted to actually act and it had backfired. He wasn't evil.
The bundle groaned again and this time it righted itself!
Percy shivered when the grey face looked at him. He didn't want to see that.
The face sneered at him and Percy huddled even further into himself. Even though it was grey - red - with blood, the black shape looked at home here.
Percy turned away and looked at the ceiling instead. He would not sleep.
It was quiet again.
As if he was alone here again.
Then a splatter and Percy went down on his knees once more and ate.
He didn't see the grey face still sneering at him.
Percy woke with a jerk. He looked around him, took in the pale sunlight filtering into the underground room and finally focused on the person opposite him.
Snape was studying him as well. Black eyes locked onto his and Percy shivered. Snape looked bloody and bruised and in pain, but his sneer was nonetheless intimidating.
Percy finally broke the staring contest and instead looked at the wall opposite him. He didn't even care to ask why Snape was here. It was pretty obvious anyway. He had somehow fallen out of favour with their Master.
He shuddered at the title. That was not something he had ever dreamed of calling You-Know-Who. But now it was too late and he had to.
He tried to avoid thinking about it, but the only other things he could think about were his family, which brought bile to his throat in shame; his future, which looked as lifeless and bleak as the present.
He had been alone here for days, maybe weeks; it felt strange to suddenly have somebody in the room. Even if the other person only felt derision for him, he still had the strange urge to make small talk; find out what was going on in the outside world, how his family had taken his disappearance.
Merlin, his family! This time he couldn't keep the pictures or memories from coming. Pictures of a better past and memories of dreaming of an even better future. Even Fred and George's pranks didn't seem so bad now.
He gave a hollow laugh at that, realising too late that he wasn't alone anymore.
He snuck a glance at Snape, but his face was expressionless. Perhaps he hadn't heard.
He still couldn't believe that he had given up all that for a fleeting fancy of glory and respect. He let out another laugh and, horrified, he noticed that it sounded much more like a sob.
Now he didn't know if he was even going to be alive tomorrow. What was it everybody said? You always want what you can't have.
He had always wanted to be recognized by the right people, when those people had disappointed him beyond belief, he had tried to right the wrongs he had done in their name and in the end only made everything worse than it was.
At the moment, he only wanted to be back in the kitchen at the Burrow and eat one of his mother's meat pies, even if it meant getting pranked by the twins.
"For Merlin's sake, Weasley! Control yourself!"
Percy looked up with bleary eyes and only when he reached up to dry his tears, did he even notice that he was crying.
Snape was glaring at him and Percy patted his pockets to find a handkerchief, but only found the tattered remains of his once pristine robes.
"Sorry, professor." Percy finally gave up trying to squash his impulse from earlier and asked: "Professor?"
Snape didn't answer, but now, since Percy had gathered his courage, he didn't want to stop. "Professor, have you seen my family recently?" Again, he got no answer, but now he needed one. He had to know that his family was okay, that he hadn't fucked up everything. "Professor Snape, have you spoken to my parents recently?"
Percy shrank back against the wall under the glare he received. "Do not presume to talk to me in this way! Contrary to your apparent belief, I am not here for your entertainment." He paused for a moment, and Percy already wanted to plead with him, but then he continued. "However, as you in your inherent Gryffindor stubbornness undoubtedly will not leave me in peace until you have satisfied your curiosity, I shall answer." He crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back. "Last I saw them, your mother couldn't even bear to hear your name, your father is unemployed due to-" He sneered. "-ideological differences with his employer and the twins support the family." Snape settled back and closed his eyes.
Percy stared at him. That was the only news he was going to get? He rocked back against the wall and clenched his hands over his knees. "My mummy hates me?"
Mummy hates me. Mummy hates me. Doesn't love me anymore.
Percy rocked back and forth. Everything was dark, very dark. The black shade was there. It had its eyes closed. If he struck now, it couldn't harm him anymore. His hands scrabbled against the wall, finding nothing.
Then the eyes opened and Percy' chance was gone. He was going to have to live with the shape.
He pulled his knees closer and stared down at them. He couldn' look at it. Looking only made it worse.
He wanted his mummy. But his mummy hated him. He didn't want that. He wanted to crawl into her arms. He didn't want to be lonely anymore.
He was always lonely. Only friend had been himself. Always alone.
Just like now. He slung his arms around himself. He was thin. His clothes were dirty. He was dirty. He had done dirty things, evil things. He wasn't evil. Bad things were happening. Wanted his family back. The twins' jokes and Ron's chess and his Daddy's plugs. Wanted it all, didn't get it. Never got what he wanted. Wanted somebody to love. Nobody loved him. Only he loved himself. He was going to prove it.
His robe was already tattered. Getting to his prick was easy. The movements were slow. If you loved somebody you took your time with this. And he loved himself.
Stroke up and down, up and down. No feeling like it. Up. Down. Up.
"Weasley!" Down. Up. "I am sure you find it incredibly amusing to masturbate in front of your professor, but you will stop this instant!"
The black shape stared at him. He wasn't going to be afraid anymore. Somebody loved him. Down. Up. Down. "Weasley! Stop this right now!" Up. Down.
"Well, well. Weasley and our traitor are having a bit of fun. Perhaps we should have put you into single confinement." Up. Down. Up. Somebody loved him.
"Weasley!" Down. U-
The new black shape grabbed him. He was pulled up.
Half an hour later Percy looked at himself in the mirror. He was thinner than before, but the fresh black robes hid most of that. There was nothing like a bath and clean teeth to feel human again.
"You better hurry, Weasley. The Master won't wait for you."
"Y- yes, sir."
"And you better watch closely. Wouldn't want you to be the next waiting to be killed, would we? And it will be what happens to you if you aren't careful." Lucius leaned close. "Or did you even for one second believe that you could ever go back? With a Dark Mark on your arm?"
Percy shook his head.
"You didn't think that you family would believe you, did you? Pious Percy Weasley joining a group to reform the Ministry? Nobody will believe you were tricked." Percy could feel him moving away again. "Ready, Weasley?"
"Yes, sir." He straightened his collar once more and followed Lucius out the door. The bright sunlight hurt his eyes more than he would have thought, but he had spent two weeks inside after all; so it was understandable.
It looked as if all Death Eaters had been called to make sure they saw what happened to traitors. Percy stepped into his place in the circle, careful to keep his motions sure and decisive. He didn't want them to know what the last weeks had done to him. One thing was certain: He wouldn't forget that lesson in humility quickly, not the one from Lucius and not the one from Snape.
Snape, who was standing in the middle of the circle, just in front of their Master. He held his head stoically high, but even from the distance Percy could see the tremors going through his body.
Bastard deserved what he got. At least that was what his brain was trying to tell him; his stomach didn't quite agree. But he had always listened to his head, he had no problem ignoring the other voice in his head.
When their Master started to speak, he felt some of the power returning to him. Power that had been leeched out of his body during his incarnation, power that he craved, no matter if he ideologically supported Voldemort or not. At first he had thought that he couldn't get addicted to it, but now he had to concede that he was addicted to it. Still there wasn't anything he could do about, so he simply told his brain not to worry about it. There was no way out for him anyway.
He watched impassively as Snape was forced to his knees by the Cruciatus Curse. It really had been stupid of Snape to try and spy on their Master. Didn't he know that nobody could escape once they had accepted? No matter how much they wanted to. No matter how much they wished to just be taking away and returned to their home, where stupid siblings were waiting for you and your mother was going to shout -
He couldn't think like that. He belonged here now, if he wanted to or not. He might as well accept what was inevitable.
He gave a low moan at the surge of power he felt through his Mark and watched when Snape crumbled to the ground in a heap of black rags.
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