April 15, 2004
|AU. Harry tries to seduce Remus. Will he succeed or not?|
"Shh, Harry c'mon... don' cry. Shh. 'S alright, I got yeh... Shh..."
Hagrid carried the small bundle around his hut restlessly. In turns he gently rubbed Harry's back and bounced him up and down, always taking care to handle the little baby carefully in his big hands. This had been going on for hours now.
He had tried singing and feeding and changing his nappies, but Harry was screaming and screaming, and nothing Hagrid had done had helped.
He feared that every moment one of the teachers would pass his hut and hear the crying, but he didn't know what else to do to stop it.
Then the knock at the door came. The well-known voice of the Headmaster said: "Hagrid, might I have a word with you?"
Inside, Hagrid gave a great sigh and placed Harry into the crib he had roughly carved from wood. There was nothing to it, he would have to own up to his deed.
He opened the door. "Professor Dumbledore, c'min. Wha' can I do fer yeh?" He didn't even try to hide the still screaming baby and took him out of the crib again to resume his pacing around the floor.
Dumbledore looked at the spectacle in front of him and frowned. "This isn't per chance little Harry whom we have been searching for for the last two months?"
Hagrid knew he blushed. He had heard how much effort Dumbledore had put into finding Harry; now he was sure to get fired and Harry taken from him. At the thought, his heart contracted painfully. He would certainly not let Harry go back to those Muggles and not give him up without a fight either.
"Ar, that's the little tyke." He glared at Dumbledore, but then nervously looked at the red face that peeked out of the blankets. "Professor Dumbledore, sir, I jus'... I couldn' leave him with... with 'em Muggles." He looked up to find Dumbledore still frowning at him. "They didn' look aft'r him... they had 'im in a bleeding CUPBOARD!" Harry wailed even louder at the noise and Hagrid quieted again quickly. He looked back at Harry and bounced him up and down a few times. "Shh... 's alright. Didn' mean ter shout. Shh... no need ter cry."
He glanced up at Dumbledore who was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Hagrid swallowed. He had done it now, he had disappointed Albus Dumbledore.
"Hagrid, I am sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that. Didn't you think about what that would do to Petunia? She must have been worried..."
Hagrid snorted. "Worried, my ar... m. Tha' woman was glad I took Harry with me! Said not ter come back with the little freak. She called him a freak! An' he's jus' a baby!" He bounced Harry a bit harder, and he started to cry again. "Shh, little tyke... don' worry. Yeh won' be goin' back."
"Be that as it may, Harry was placed there for his own security, and I thought my orders had been clear. Take him there, and then do not go back. The magical bond was weakened when you took him away."
"Bu' I had ter go back! I found his teddy in my cloak, must've lost it there. He already lost everythin', so I thought I'd jus' nip ou' an' give it back." He steeled himself. "An' he also won' be going back. They're no good for him."
Dumbledore looked at him strangely. "That is not for you to decide, Hagrid. I will see that he gets back to his relatives." He gave a smile and held his arms out.
Hagrid took a step back and shook his head. He was fighting with his trust in Dumbledore, but he couldn't let Harry go back there. No matter what a great wizard Dumbledore was; he was wrong about this.
There was no way around it. Hagrid took another deep breath and for the first time in his life refused one of Albus Dumbledore's orders. "No, I won't."
The smile vanished from Dumbledore's face, and he looked at Hagrid urgently. "Hagrid, I know you think you are only doing what is best for Harry, but his relatives are the best choice to protect him. Not only from any stray Death Eaters, but also from Voldemort" - Hagrid flinched - "should he ever return."
Hagrid wavered for a moment. Surely, the great Albus Dumbledore knew what he was talking about? Surely he knew what was best for Harry?
Then he remembered the pitiful sight he had found at Privet Drive. Harry wailing in the cupboard, spiders crawling over him and blankets stuffed into the cracks to keep the noise in. The Dursleys themselves had been sitting peacefully in the living room, fawning over their pig of a child.
No, Harry couldn't go back to that.
Hagrid stood his ground firmly. "He'd be be'er protected here at Hogwarts." He resisted Dumbledore's searching gaze. He knew that he stood no chance against Dumbledore magically, but it took a lot to take out a half-giant. If the worst came, he could still flee with Harry into the Forbidden Forest. Nobody knew the forest as well as he did, or had as many friends there.
His eyes widened when Dumbledore seemed to be able to read his thoughts and backed away. Hagrid clasped Harry closer in preparation for the curse that was sure to come. Now of all times Harry had finally gone to sleep.
Dumbledore looked at him searchingly for a while longer, then he said: "Do you also know who should look after Harry? The professors are all busy with their classes, they do not have the time to look after a not-even two-year old child. And there is nobody else after..." He cleared his throat. "Remus is the next thing to an uncle he has, but he has too many personal problems to look after a child."
"I'll take him."
Hagrid had never seen Dumbledore that way before. He looked as if he was trying very hard not to smile, but at the same time stay stern. "How do you propose that will work? You can hardly raise a child in a one-room hut. And you also have your duties as Keeper of the Keys and Grounds"
Hagrid did some quick thinking. He felt as if had already won this argument, and Dumbledore only gave him some ideas about what he had to decide on. Great man, really.
"The hut is no' a problem. I'll jus' add another room fer Harry. Fer the next months this is big enough. An' he can come ter work with me. 'S not as if the fresh air won' do him any good. An' 'snot dangerous, jus' hard work." He felt very pleased with himself for thinking of all that.
Now Dumbledore was smiling for real. "Very well, Hagrid. We will see how it works out."
14 years later
"Harry, come on! You can do better than that!"
Harry gave a mock sigh and stood up from the floor. He really enjoyed those extra Defence lessons, but did Remus have to be such a slave driver?
"Yes, I have to be." Harry looked up, shocked. Had he said that out aloud? "After all you want to be accepted into the Auror program, right?"
Harry gave a tight nod. Ever since he had found out that his parents had been Aurors during You-Know-Who's reign, he had wanted to become one. If everything went according to plan, his OWL results at the end of this year would be the first step in that direction.
Still, he was glad his training was almost over for now. He had something else planned for tonight.
Remus laughed and ruffled his hair. "Come on, let's try one more time." He turned around and didn't notice the glare Harry sent his way at the gesture. He flattened his hair, even though he knew it was absolutely hopeless and moved into the duelling position.
They stood on opposite sides of the room and bowed to each other. Harry quickly dodged the stunner Remus send at him and retaliated with an Expelliarmus, but didn't hit Remus. He reacted almost automatically, so often had they done this before, but in the end he still landed flat on his arse again.
However, now he was going to start on his plan.
Remus gave him a hand up, and he held on a bit longer than he would normally have, but was disappointed when Remus didn't even look at him. Rather, he turned towards his desk and shrugged into his robes again.
Much to Harry's delight they had only worn their trousers and shirts during the duel and that sight might have been what had distracted him too much to win.
He quickly shook his head, dispelling those thoughts. He had a plan to follow, not day-dreaming to do. He would have time for that later on.
First of all he had to ensure that he was going to spend some more time with Remus.
"Do you have a lot to do now, or can we maybe talk a bit?" He sidled up to Remus, dressing as well. He tried to do it slowly, making sure Remus was watching him. Remus was going through some notes on his table however, so with a small huff he just dressed normally.
Really, Remus wasn't making his quest to get him interested in Harry any easier.
"Hmm? Oh, no I have some time. Only thing left to do is grade the first years' essays, and those aren't that much work." He finally looked up and smiled at Harry.
Harry gave a happy smile back and tried to inconspicuously link arms with Remus. It didn't quite work as he noticed Remus giving him a confused glance, but at least he didn't draw away.
The two of them walked towards Remus' rooms, all the while chatting about this and that. Ever since Harry's extra lessons against Dementors in his third year, they had had a pretty close relationship. Especially after Harry found out that Remus had been a good friend of his father's.
Remus led Harry into his rooms. Harry plopped down on the couch, careful to leave little room on either side of him. He watched Remus leaving the room, admiring the view which was quite delicious, despite the loose robes he was wearing. Damn, his teacher had a fine arse.
"You want a butterbeer?"
"Yes, okay!" Harry leaned back comfortably. He was going to make this work.
Remus returned and after a confused glance at the sofa, he settled on Harry's right side. Harry tried to unobtrusively lean a bit closer, but Remus tensed. So Harry backed off a bit. This was going to be harder than he had thought.
"So, was there anything specific you wanted to talk about?"
Harry shook his head. "No, not really. Just wondering if you've heard anything about Sirius. I haven't got a letter from him in ages."
Remus tried to look at Harry from the side, but he couldn't without leaning closer to him. He continued to look to the front. "You have probably heard more about him than I did. Last I know, he was travelling around France, enjoying the.. view."
Harry grinned. "You mean enjoying the half-naked girls."
Now, Remus did turn around. Harry could feel his knee brushing against Harry's thigh and was hard pressed to concentrate. Remus' eyes were glittering. "However did you get that idea?" After a slight pause, he added. "And what do you know about half-naked girls in France?"
Harry had to return from his daydream once more. "Hmm, I don't know." He laid a finger on his chin. "Perhaps those carefully phrased sentences in his letter that are skirting around the truth without actually lying?" He took on a deeper voice. "'Dear Harry, France really is incredible. I have never seen anything as hot as this country here. Am mostly staying at the beach the whole day, enjoying the view and spending the evening with some people I have met.' C'mon. What else am I supposed to think?"
"That still doesn't explain your knowledge of the half-naked French girls."
Harry's grin grew even broader. "That's easy. Hermione. She was in France the last two summers, and when she got back she was always going on about how the women there didn't have an ounce of decency running around as if they were in Rio rather than France."
Remus laughed. Harry was watching him carefully, enjoying to see Remus so free from worries. He usually was serious, acting the part of the strict teacher perfectly. All the more did he like it when Remus was more relaxed in private. "That sounds like Hermione."
"It does, doesn't it? I'll never understand how she can be so forward in some ways and so prudish in some others."
Remus cleared his throat and a slight blush grazed his skin. Harry was surprised for a moment. Then he realised that Remus probably didn't want to know things like that about his students, not to mention that it had sounded as if he was interested in her. He followed Remus into his blush.
"Not that I ever was interested in her." He tried to get back on course. "So, anybody you have your eyes on? After all, we don't want you running off to join Sirius on a beach in France."
"Harry!" Remus scolded, but his eyes were laughing. Harry could see that he was enjoying the banter. "I'm your teacher, you're not to ask questions like that."
Harry wiggled his finger in front of Remus face. He laughed and pulled it away when Remus jokingly snapped at it. "You once told me that you're only a teacher in the classroom or when you catch me out after curfew. Doesn't that apply any more?" He opened his eyes wide and made his lower lip tremble.
Remus broke out into another round of laughter, and Harry's stomach gave a happy lurch . He could make this work.
An hour later he didn't feel so happy anymore. Frustrated was a far more accurate description. He had hoped that tonight would at least give him an indication on whether Remus was interested in him, but he still had no idea. In the end he had had to return to one of his day dreams and wank himself to sleep.
Not that that was working either. He lay in his bed, staring at the dark red ceiling of the four-poster bed, but sleep wouldn't come. With a sigh he resigned himself to a night with little sleep and started to think about one of his favourite topics: Remus.
He could still remember how he had already had a little crush on him when he had started teaching in his third year. Once he had found out that Remus was a werewolf, his interest even increased. He mused that this might be considered weird - after all a werewolf was still seen as a dark creature - but for Harry it only felt natural. Something he had inherited from his father - adopted father, he reminded himself.
With a smile, he remembered the first time his father had introduced him to Aragog, an Acromantula in the Forbidden Forest. Most nine-year olds would probably have been terrified, but he had had a thing for animals since he could remember. Not that he thought Remus was an animal. Still the idea of being with him gave Harry shivers down his spine.
He had had to wait until this year to really try and get together with Remus. Only a few years ago the age of consent had been increased from thirteen to fifteen - pure idiotism on the side of politicians in his opinion - and Harry didn't think Remus would have even considered something with him when he was still underage.
He frowned when he remembered that tonight had been a spectacular failure in his plan to get closer to Remus. He had had a nice conversation with Remus, had tried to flirt with him, but Remus never reacted. Harry didn't even know if he had noticed his efforts at all.
He would just have to be more obvious about it. He would also have to make sure that Remus was really interested in guys. Even though he was pretty sure, from what Sirius had told him in letters, that Remus was as much interested in guys as he was. He would just have to try again, and up the stakes a bit, be a bit more obvious about his interest and, first and foremost, find out how Remus thought about gays.
Tomorrow, he was going to start his plan.
Harry didn't have extra-Defence lessons every day, so he stayed behind after the regular DADA class. Hermione and Neville threw him confused glances, but he just waved them off. He had a mission to accomplish.
Remus greeted him with a small smile. "Everything okay, Harry? Did you have a question about the lesson?"
Harry smiled back and shook his head. "Not about this one at least. But I had a question about the class last night." He put his bag on the teacher's desk and started to rummage through it. "I know I have it here somewhere..." He pulled out a sheet of parchment, looked at it and then stuffed it back into the bag. He quickly looked up to see Remus watching him and then returned to his bag.
"Anyway, I know I read in this book about the way some wizards use transfigurations and charms in the middle of duels, but a different book said that using anything besides the agreed-upon weapons wasn't allowed." He took out a whole pack of papers and riffled through them. One last glance to make sure that Remus was still looking at him and he took the topmost paper from the pile and put the pile onto the desk.
As if nothing interesting was happening at all, he continued. "Here it is. The Guide to Auror Training says that you're only allowed to use your chosen weapon, but Duels of the Century says that you can use other things as well." He looked up at Remus and was gratified to notice that Remus was staring at his pile of papers.
Even without looking there, he could make out the caption Wizard Today. He knew that the cover showed two wizards in a heated embrace, but at the moment he was much more interested in Remus' reaction. Which mainly consisted of swallowing a few times.
Inwardly, he grinned. "Professor Lupin?" He waited a second. "Professor Lupin? Are you alright?" He saw Remus coming out of his daze, then made a show of noticing the magazine on the desk. "Oh." Quick as a flash, he snatched the magazine and hid it behind his back. "I... ehm... I mean... that wasn't... I'm not..."
Remus finally looked at Harry with glittering eyes. "Don't worry, Harry. I have seen a wank mag or two in my days." He grinned at Harry. "And I won't report it to Professor McGonagall."
Harry lowered his eyes. He still hadn't found out what he wanted to know. "Yes, thanks, sir, but I... it... you don'tcarethatit'stwoguys?" He looked up through his lashes.
Remus looked blank, but then the Knut dropped and he shock his head. "No, Harry. I don't care, and I'm sure everybody who truly likes you won't care either." He looked inquiringly. "Have you talked to anybody else about this?"
Harry gave a half-shrug. "A bit with dad, but he always gets terribly embarrassed by it."
Remus laughed. "Yes, I can imagine that." He gave Harry an affectionate smile. "Anyway if you ever want to talk about anything, you can come to me. You know that, right?"
Harry nodded happily and proceeded to put his papers back into his bag. He felt reassured that Remus at least hadn't run screaming, so there was hope. What had he meant with 'anything' anyway? Did it mean that Remus had first-hand experience? At the thought a shiver ran down his spine. Or did it just mean that Remus would offer him some platitudes and general advice?
"Harry!" He jerked out of his thoughts.
"Oh, sorry. I just..."
"Yes, still have your mind on that magazine, eh?" Harry gave a sheepish smile. "Your question is pretty easily answered. You probably even know it yourself. Just look at the titles."
Harry did. This question had really been confusing him and he wanted an answer. Then he suddenly brightened. "Oh, right. The first one only works in theory, while the second one describes things that actually happened."
Remus nodded. "Right. Not to mention that the Ministry doesn't like to acknowledge that any of their Aurors could do any wrong. Also, in a real life duel with an actual Dark Wizard, he or she is hardly likely to follow the rules of a formal duel. So in that situation a bit of dirty play might just save your life while officially you do nothing but follow those guidelines, of course."
Harry grinned. It all made sense now. "Okay, thank you, Professor Lupin. I'll see you tomorrow evening again, right?"
"Yes, eight o'clock as usual. Have a good day, Harry."
Harry almost floated through the rest of the day. At dinner he could barely keep from constantly wriggling in his seat. During History of Magic he had suddenly had an idea about who could help him with Remus, and now he was dying to talk to Hermione.
He was sure if there was one person who was like Remus, it was Hermione. Both of them were incredibly smart and very concerned about their studies. They were both - or had been - prefects and had a very similar sense of humour. Actually, if Hermione hadn't been a girl, he would probably have fallen for her.
He was sure that Hermione was going to be able to give him some tips. After he told her and Neville that he liked guys, of course. He had been meaning to do that for ages, and now he finally had a reason to come up with the topic.
He had already thought about bringing it up last year before the Yule Ball, but at that time he had still been too unsure about his feelings. Now he was much more certain.
Almost automatically when he thought about the Triwizard Tournament which had taken place last year, he looked up at the teacher's table.
There, behind Dumbledore stood the Triwizard Cup which had been won by a guy from Hufflepuff last year. Harry just hoped that the Tournament returned to it's three-year cycle so he could take part in it in his seventh year. Last year he had still been too young to enter into the competition between the three wizarding schools. He had been very disappointed, especially when he had seen the first task and those beautiful dragons.
At least he had met Charlie Weasley again. When Charlie had still been at school, he had always helped out Hagrid with one beast or another, and consequently got to know Harry quite well. Their love of animals had quickly made them friends, even though Charlie was seven years older than him.
Harry had been all the more disappointed when it turned out that Charlie's youngest brother, Ron Weasley, was such a sissy about animals. From the first moment they met, he had only moaned about how awful everything he owned - including his pet - was.
Harry couldn't understand his problems. He had parents, six siblings and a nice - if somewhat small - house in the country side. It was the perfect place for finding all kinds of creatures, he was sure. But Ron was only interested in Quidditch and chess.
Not that Harry didn't enjoy a good game of Quidditch, but really, one could be too obsessed. Not to mention that Ron still hadn't forgiven him for being responsible for the death of his pet rat, Scabbers. Harry wasn't sure if the concept of an Animagus, who was responsible for the death of his parents, was too difficult for Ron to understand, or if he just wanted to live in denial for the rest of his life.
Whatever the case, Harry was very happy that he had quickly become friends with Neville Longbottom who at least seemed appreciative of his toad, Trevor, and Hermione. At first he hadn't been quite sure what to make of the bossy girl, but once he had tried talking to her, she had been more than tolerable. She also had been a great source of information about the Muggle world. Even though his mother had been Muggleborn, he knew almost nothing about their world.
That had been how their friendship had started, and he was sure it would survive the little titbit of information about his sexuality as well.
"Harry, are you okay?" He suddenly found himself the focus of two pairs of eyes.
He just grinned. "Splendid. But I have to talk to the two of you after dinner, okay?"
Hermione eyed him curiously as he was still moving in his seat, but she nodded, as did Neville.
"I'm gay." Harry had thought being absolutely upfront about it would be the easiest way.
As he had expected, Hermione didn't look surprised at all. She only had a knowing smile playing around her lips. Neville on the other hand looked a bit gobsmacked. Harry watched his expression apprehensively. He hadn't had any doubts about Hermione, but Neville was a bit of an unknown factor. At least in that area.
He was the first to react. "You're... oh... ehm... okay." He looked dazed. "Don't look at me like that! I'm fine with that!" He nodded to himself. "Yes, I am."
Harry was still looking at Neville searchingly. Was he really all right, or did he just pretend to be? "Really?"
Neville swallowed and nodded once again. "Yes. I just... I just need a bit of time to get used to the idea... okay?"
Harry smiled. "Of course." He knew that it must have come as a bit of a shock to Neville. Hermione usually noticed everything going around her, but like Harry Neville sometimes needed a little pointer in the right direction.
Neville smiled back. A somewhat uncomfortable silence spread between them. Hermione finally broke it. "So, was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"
Harry turned to her, glad to be able to focus on something. "Yes, actually. I was... I was wondering if you could perhaps give me a few tips."
"Sure. What about?"
"Well, you see. I'm interested in this guy. And he kind of reminds me of you. And I was wondering if you had any idea on how I should approach him."
Hermione's eyebrows had shot up when he mentioned that his interest was like her. Harry just hoped she didn't take that the wrong way. "Who?"
Harry took a deep breath. "Remus."
The results were instantaneous. Neville almost fell out of his chair and Hermione's jaw fell open. "You can't!" She seemed shocked at her own volume and looked around. As far as Harry could see, nobody had noticed. She whispered: "You can't. He's a teacher."
"So what? I'm of age. There's nothing that says we can't start a relationship." He paused. "It isn't... it isn't as if I just started to suddenly feel like it and decided that this year I was going to seduce my teacher."
"Then how long have you felt that way?"
Harry sighed and leaned back. "I first noticed that I liked him in third year. And then when..." He leaned in closer. "When we found out that he was a... you know, I just... I mean, he got even more interesting. But he just won't notice me." He hit the armrest in frustration. "Please, Hermione. I just... I need a few pointers."
Hermione pursed her lips. "What do you want to know?"
Harry looked down, then up again. Now that he was actually having this conversation, he wasn't so sure anymore. He finally took his heart into his hands, and just plunged in. "Well, I tried to flirt with him, but he wouldn't even acknowledge it, or perhaps he didn't notice it at all... I don't know. I just wanted to know what you think I could do to show him that I like him."
"Oh really, Harry." Harry marvelled at how Hermione could go from disapproving to supporting so quickly. "Just be yourself. Tell him that you like him. Don't try too hard. Make sure he understands that you like him because it's him and not because he is... you know." She shook her head. "It really isn't that hard. Perhaps, give him a compliment, tell him what you like about him. Find out if he likes guys at all." She thought for a moment. "That's about all, I can think of just know. That enough for the beginning?"
Harry smiled back. Although he didn't appreciate being told as if he was a bit slow, she had helped... "Yep, that should do for the beginning." He grinned at both of them. "You two are the best friends anybody could wish for, you know?" He relaxed back against the couch and started to plan on what to say to Remus.
"Remus, can I talk to you?" Harry stood once again in front of Remus' desk, still sweaty from the duelling practise. He was eagerly awaiting an answer. He had the perfect plan to let Remus know how he felt about him.
Remus just smiled and ushered him out the door. "Of course. I told you that you can come to me whenever you have a problem." He threw a quick glance at Harry. "Is it about what we talked about yesterday?"
Harry nodded and followed Remus to his quarters. Once there, he plopped himself down in the middle of the couch again. This time Remus beside him seemed a bit more relaxed. He leaned his head to the side. "What did you want to know?"
Harry looked down, playing with his fingers. "I... you see there is this guy." He chanced a look at Remus. "And I really like him, but I... he just doesn't react at all when I try to flirt with him." He drew a hand though his hair. "I'm pretty sure that he likes guys, or at least isn't totally opposed to the idea, but still..."
Harry jumped when Remus put his arm around his shoulders, but just as quickly he relaxed again. This felt nice. "Anyone I know? I should make sure that the fellow isn't just playing with your feelings after all."
Harry quickly shook his head. "How can he? He doesn't even know I like him... unfortunately."
"You still haven't told me who he is." Harry could hear the grin, but he tried to distract Remus. Now would perhaps be a good time to mention why he liked him so much.
"You know he's really great. Smart and good-looking, and I like him; did I mention he's really smart? And he makes me laugh, and I feel really comfortable with him, and I know he likes me, not just the Boy Who Lived." Harry took a deep breath and looked up. He was confronted with Remus' smiling eyes and almost couldn't keep himself from kissing those lips.
"Sounds like it hit you pretty hard."
Harry blushed. He hadn't just thought that. But those lips looked so soft, and they were so close and he... really had to stop staring at them and answer the question he hadn't heard.
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure if you actually made your interest known more clearly, he would at least consider it." Remus seemed to fight with himself for a moment. "He would be stupid not to want to go out with you."
Harry's heart leapt. Remus really thought so? "You really think so?"
Remus squeezed Harry's shoulder. "Of course. Just talk to him a bit more, find out if he's interested in guys at all, and then ask him." He grinned. "Or you could just kiss him after you know if he's interested."
Harry's breath hitched. Kissing sounded pretty damn good just about now. Remus was only inches from his face and his arm was still around Harry's shoulders. He could...
He kissed Remus. Those lips were really so soft, and he wanted nothing more than to run his tongue over them, but suddenly the slight pressure disappeared. Harry opened his eyes, only to look into the surprised eyes of Remus.
Harry tried to say something, but somehow every word got stuck between his brain and his mouth. "I... er... you...."
Remus stood up, and immediately Harry felt the coldness where Remus had been pressed against him until now. He looked at Remus pacing and with a sinking sensation in his heart; he leaned his head back. This had not gone as planned.
He opened his eyes when he noticed Remus stopping before him. "This guy you were talking about that was... me?"
Harry only nodded and closed his eyes.
More pacing. Harry wanted to hit his head on something, but doubted that the soft couch would help him any. He tried to explain his situation, but he didn't feel as if his words were doing any good. "Remus, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I just... and you were..." He sighed. "Sorry."
Remus finally talked to him again. "I think it's best if you leave now."
Harry's head snapped up, and he took in Remus' expression. He didn't quite know what to make of it, but he knew that he hadn't wanted to put that strange expression there. He had only wanted to... suddenly he realised that he had really only done what he had wanted.
Except to find out if Remus was against gays, he hadn't really thought about how Remus would feel about this. With this realisation, he got up and moved towards the door. "Yes, you're probably right." He opened the door and only when he was almost outside, did he turn around. "Good night." The door clicked shut behind him.
Later that night in bed, the apprehensive feeling, he had been experiencing since his realisation, still hadn't disappeared. He knew that Remus liked him, and he had assumed that if he liked guys, that would also mean that he would get together with Harry.
That obviously wasn't the case. The more he thought about it, the clearer it became to him that the situation had to have been pretty weird for Remus. His dead friend's son throwing himself at him.
Harry didn't want to give up yet. Perhaps there was a way for Remus to feel the same way about him. Perhaps he had just been surprised.
He would talk to him again tomorrow. And this time he would make sure he had a few arguments for Remus on why they should be together. He wouldn't ruin that chance again.
While falling asleep, the thought that Remus might not want to talk to him came to his mind, but he quickly dismissed it again. He would just keep trying as long as necessary.
Harry slammed to door to his dorm shut. He jumped on his bed, bouncing a few times, but then slowing down and finally coming to a total stop.
He couldn't believe it. He had tried everything he could think of. Had tried to convince Remus that a relationship between them could work, but Remus hadn't wanted to hear anything about it.
In fact, he almost hadn't allowed Harry to enter his rooms. Then when he had let him come in, Harry felt that he hadn't even properly listened to his arguments. Harry had tried to tell him about how this hadn't just been a spur of the moment thing for him, but something he had been looking forward to for almost two years, but Remus hadn't listened.
Harry still seethed when he remembered the patronising way Remus had treated him. He snorted. According to Remus, he basically was a delusional, walking hormone. His feelings for Remus couldn't be real, because he was too young. He didn't know enough about Remus to really like him and not just some picture he had of him. Not to mention the fact that Remus didn't believe in student-teacher relationships, even though they were allowed.
None of Harry's arguments, no matter if it was about the age of consent, or how he had had these feelings for years, or how he wasn't afraid of werewolves at all, had had any effect on Remus' decision.
In the end Harry had achieved absolutely nothing and left, furious and frustrated. He would never have believed that Remus would think so little of him. He had always thought that Remus saw him as more than just his friend's son, but apparently he had been wrong about that.
He really had thought he could convince Remus with logic, but he obviously had been wrong about that as well. It really was annoying!
He turned onto his back and crossed his arms over his chest. There had to be something he could do. What was going to work?
He looked at the ceiling, playing several scenarios through his mind. He didn't think trying to talk to Remus once again would resolve anything, he would just be thrown out on his arse for good. Anything public was out of the question. While teacher-student relationships weren't illegal, they were at least kept quiet.
He suddenly shot up in his bed. That was it! He scrambled out of bed, glad that he hadn't changed yet. In his book bag he found a piece of parchment and a quill and began to scribble.
how are you? Hope you're still enjoying France.
What I'm writing about (apart from the fact that I haven't heard from you in months) is that I was wondering if you could perhaps give me a bit of advice?
See, there is this guy I really like (have I told you that I'm gay?), but at first he just didn't react to me at all, and now that I told him that I liked him, he finds all kinds of reasons to not start a relationship with me. I know that he at least likes me as a person, but he just thinks that I'm too young to know what I want, and that I haven't looked properly at everything that could go wrong.
But I know that we could make it work! He is just so damn stubborn!
Do you perhaps have an idea about what I could do?
Harry hastily folded the parchment and went to owl the letter right away.
The next several days were hell for him. During normal lessons, and even during his extra-classes, Remus was as normal as ever. Whenever their talk turned from the subject to something more personal, however, he totally clammed up. It was extremely frustrating for Harry. He simply couldn't wait until the answer from Sirius arrived.
Then on Friday, almost a week after he had sent the letter, Hedwig returned with a parchment tied to her leg. In his haste to get the letter off, he gathered a few weird looks from the people around him, but he didn't pay any attention to them.
Neville and Hermione knew what he was waiting for, and they were the only ones who mattered in what they thought about him. He gulped down the last bit of his pumpkin juice and then stood up. Quickly waving the letter at his friends, he said: "I'm going to find a quiet place to read. I'll meet you in Transfigurations."
He didn't wait for a reply, but just dashed off. He made it back to Gryffindor Tower in record time. As soon as he sat down on his bed, he ripped open the letter. With shaking hands, he held it out to read.
I'm fine, thanks for asking even though you're confronted with the much more important questions about your love life.
So, you finally managed to find somebody who interests you, eh? Good news. About what you should do about the guy, the question is perhaps not so easily answered.
As talking doesn't help, maybe showing him how you feel does? Just do what your feelings tell you to do and go for it.
If you are talking about who I think you are, then this certainly is true. Remus has always been rather slow in things of the heart and sometimes needs a boot up the arse.
Just be careful that neither of you gets hurt, okay?
Harry read through the letter with a leaping heart. Go for it. He could do that. He would show Remus that he was serious about his intentions.
The next day Harry was as nervous as he had never been before.
It seemed to him as if the evening, and with it the possibility to prove to Remus once and for all what he felt, were years away, rather than a few hours.
At dinner, he was so impatient that not only Hermione and Neville but also some of his other friends noticed. Then finally, after he had barely eaten anything, he jumped up from the table and made his way to Remus' rooms. The password was still the same as last time, and so it was no problem for him to enter.
He had always only been in the living room, but he knew that the door to the left led to a small kitchen, while the door on the right would have to lead to Remus' bedroom.
Harry tried to calm his racing heart, but didn't manage to bring his breathing under control. For the first time since last night when he had hatched this plan, he had doubts. What if Remus didn't react the way he expected? What if he had bitten off more than he could chew?
Then he reminded himself of his Gryffindor bravery and squared his shoulders. He was going to do it.
The bedroom was totally dark when he entered, but with a few spells, it was quickly flooded in a more inviting atmosphere. The bed wasn't overly large, but Harry paid that no heed. He had realised he would have to hurry, if he wanted to be ready before Remus came back, and quickly disrobed.
There was no way around it now, he was in his teacher's rooms, naked. He swallowed. Again doubts rose, but were insistently squashed. He would not back out now.
Not to mention that it was too late now. Harry could hear that Remus had just opened the door to his rooms, and if he was lucky would enter his bedroom any moment.
With a quiet dash to the bed, he flung himself on it and tried to strike a seductive pose. He laid down on his right side, facing the door. His hip was slightly turned towards the ceiling, giving Remus a not-quite full frontal view. He propped his head on his right and angled his left leg... and waited... and waited.
He almost believed that Remus wouldn't come in here until he went to bed, when the door opened, and in the frame stood the object of his desire. A desire which wasn't totally blatant yet, but at the same time couldn't be missed.
Remus looked frozen in his doorway, staring at Harry as if he had never seen a naked man before. Harry's breath caught. He couldn't move, even if he had wanted to. He was paralysed looking at Remus, trying to detect every movement, every note in his face.
And what he saw wasn't what he hoped he would see. There was desire, but it was quickly dulled. And replaced by a fire he had never seen in Remus before. He shivered.
The voice that he knew so well, and had fantasised about more than once, sounded like he had never heard it before. It didn't even sound like a human voice anymore, but more like a growl. "Harry, get dressed and get out!"
Remus turned around and Harry could hear the door to the rooms closing again, leaving him cold and alone. He felt his chest tightening, but refused to cry. That wasn't what he had expected.
He quickly got dressed again and with a similar slam heard only minutes ago, left the rooms and made his way to the outside. He wouldn't be able to stand the common room at the moment.
His legs almost automatically carried him down to his dad's hut. He just wanted to be alone. When he entered he saw right away that his dad wasn't there yet. Instead he was greeted only by Fang.
The big black dog jumped at him, and Harry embraced him as he had done since he was a little kid.
In the beginning Hagrid had only bought Fang because he wanted to have somebody keep watch over Harry when he had to go into the forest during the night. In the end this had turned into a lifelong friendship between Harry and the good-natured dog. Harry still had photos Hagrid had taken of the two of them curled together in Fang's basket when he was only a puppy.
Now he was glad to have his animal friend. As he had done hundreds of times before, Harry got on his knees and slung his arms around Fang's neck. The dog seemed to sense that his master was upset and softly whined into his ear. He gave a few slobbery kisses, making Harry laugh.
Then cry. Once he had started, he didn't seem to be able to stop, although he was telling himself that he shouldn't behave this way. Despite the orders to stop from his brain, he didn't, and half an hour later, when the door banged open and Hagrid entered, he was just wiping away his last tear tracks.
"Harry, wha' are yeh doin' here? Shouldn' yeh be up a' school?"
Harry stood up and shook his head. He felt absolutely miserable and just wanted to tell somebody about it. He went over to the table and sat down on one of the over-sized chairs. "I did something stupid tonight."
His dad went over to the fire, preparing a kettle with hot water and filling cups with tea. Waiting for the water to boil, he sat down next to Harry and looked at him with kind eyes. Eyes that Harry remembered looking at him with concern, happiness, pride and love. Just the way they looked now. And he knew, no matter how stupid he had been tonight, his dad would be there for him and would find something to cheer him up.
"I'm sure 'snot so bad. Wha' did yeh do?"
Harry snorted. Not so bad. He wasn't sure if he was going to survive classes next week. "Yes, it is so bad." He hesitated. "You know I told you there was this guy I liked?"
As predicted, Hagrid turned red and despite what had happened earlier, Harry had to smile. He could count on his dad to be embarrassed about this and just hoped that he wouldn't keel right over when he told him the rest.
His dad stood up and busied himself with the tea. "'Course I remember tha'. Nev'r told me who the chappie was though."
Harry gave a sigh. "Well, there was a reason for that." He took a deep breath. "It's Remus."
His dad dropped the cup he had just been filling and spilled hot water all over the floor. He looked at Harry with surprised eyes. "Yeh... yeh like Remus? Bu' he's a professor. Yeh can' like him." He sat down heavily, tea forgotten.
"That's not all." He swallowed again. He could have done with the tea right about now. "Since the beginning of the year I... I've started to flirt with him." He rushed on. "But he didn't notice and so I got really frustrated and tonight... Iwaitedinhisbednaked." He looked at his dangling feet.
It took a few moments for his dad to decipher his meaning, but then all hell broke loose. "YEH DID WHAT?" With a whine, Fang disappeared under the table at the sudden noise, and Harry jumped in his seat. "Harry Potter, I can' believe yeh'd do something like tha' ter a professor. Are yeh nutters?"
Harry winced and wished he could join Fang under the table. He didn't. He bravely raised his head to look at his dad towering over him, a forbidding expression on his usually so good-natured face.
But then the expression crumpled, and Hagrid sank down on the chair once again. He supported his head in his hands. "Wha' were yeh thinkin'?"
"I wasn't." It was good to admit that. He had acted in this whole thing without thinking once. He hadn't thought about what it would do to his relationship with Remus. He hadn't thought about how it would make Remus feel. And he hadn't thought about how it would make him feel when he didn't succeed. It was humbling.
"A' leas' yeh noticed tha'." His father's voice brought him out of his thoughts. "An' o'course yeh know wha' ter do." He looked at Harry with a stern expression.
Harry nodded miserably. Hagrid sounded exact the same way he had when Harry had ruined one of the portraits in the castle and had tried to keep the whole incident secret. In the end he had had to confess to the headmaster - in the middle of dinner.
"Yeh'll apologize ter Remus. An' yeh'll promise him yeh won' do tha' again." He paused and took a deep breath. "An' yeh'll tell him tha' if yeh're still int'rested after yeh finish school, yeh'll ask him again. Bu' tha' yeh won' do a thing without him agreein'."
Harry looked at his dad with big eyes. He was supposed to tell Remus that? He was going to be thrown out on his arse again! "I can't do that!"
"Yeh can. I don' think yeh don' know wha' yeh feel, bu' yeh need ter grow up a bit, and then yeh can ask him again."
Harry nodded dumbly. He was going to be patient and apologise to Remus. He only hoped that Remus could forgive him.
Harry didn't follow his dad's order for days. He just couldn't force himself to look at Remus again. At meals he took great care not to look up at the teacher's table, and whenever he saw Remus in the corridors, he looked into a different direction.
On Monday evening, when he would usually have had his extra-defence lessons, he finally found the courage to knock on Remus' office door. Normally he wouldn't have knocked, but he thought the situation might require him being a lot more distant than usual. That was also what made him treat Remus more formally when he opened the door.
"Professor Lupin, I... I was wondering if I might be able to speak to you for a moment?" He looked up hopefully. Wanting to show Remus that he had learned something about his misbehaviour, that he wasn't going to repeat his mistakes.
Apparently something of that must have shown in his eyes, because Remus opened the door wider and said: "Of course, Mr. Potter." Harry tried to hide the wince at this terribly formal form of address - Remus hadn't called him Mr. Potter since third year - and entered.
Instead of taking the offered chair, he decided standing was a better option and faced his teacher for the first time in two days.
And found that he couldn't look him in the eye. He blushed, remembering what he had done and looked at his feet. The floor was really fascinating. He was thrown out of his embarrassment by Remus' voice.
"What can I help you with Mr. Potter? I didn't think we had anything further to discuss."
The coldness in the voice made Harry cringe, but he bravely plowed on. "I was... I wanted to apologise for Saturday." He looked up, somewhere over Remus' right shoulder. "I was way out of line with my behaviour... it was absolutely unacceptable. And... I'm sorry. It won't happen again." He finally dared to look Remus in the eyes.
What he saw there made him feel at least a bit more relaxed. The coolness that had been in Remus' voice at least wasn't mirrored in his face. In fact he looked relatively relieved. Harry gave a tentative smile and felt his worries lessen.
Remus cleared his throat. "I'm glad you realised the mistakes in your behaviour." Harry thought he wanted to add something important, but in the end, he only smiled lightly and said: "So Harry, should we start with this evening's lesson?"
Epilogue - 14 years later
"Harry, do you know where I put the packet I bought last week?"
"How should I know? You were the one who didn't want to tell me what was in it!"
Remus sighed and searched through the wardrobe once again. He was interrupted by a voice from nearby. "Have you looked under the bed?"
Remus turned around and stared. Just a moment ago Harry had told him he didn't know where it was. He shook his head, he was never going to understand him.
In the meantime, Harry had walked over to the bed and crawled under it. He had to admit, the sight with Harry's arse sticking out just so, was good, but he really needed that damn packet now!
A dishevelled looking Harry appeared again moments later, a cardboard box in his hands. He looked at Remus. "That's not what you're looking for, is it?"
Remus just shook his head and turned around to give the wardrobe another once over. He had just discovered the shirt he had been searching for for about two years, when a muffled snort came from the direction of the bed.
He turned around. Harry was sitting cross-legged on the bed, engrossed in a magazine. Just then, he looked up and grinned. "You won't believe what I just found."
Intrigued despite himself, Remus went over... and almost collapsed laughing when he saw what Harry was holding: An at least ten-year old adult magazine.
Then he remembered. It was the same magazine Harry had 'accidentally' shown him in his fifth year. Remus had got to know more about that time after they had finally got together, and he still couldn't quite understand what had made Harry tick then. Three years later, Harry had been just as embarrassed about his behaviour as Remus had been and had chalked it all up to teenage hormones.
Remus had been quite surprised when he found out that he was the object of a student's crush, but Harry had been so persistent he had only wanted it to stop. And it had. Of course, before their relationship had got better, it had had to get worse with the Naked Incident.
In retrospect, he realised he hadn't handled the situation very well. As a teacher, he should just have ignored Harry's behaviour or given him detention and taken points if he got too enthusiastic, not act like a schoolboy himself.
Too late now. In the end it had all worked out. Harry had had more time to discover the world of relationships with other people and Remus hadn't had to worry about being accosted in every situation. And a few months after Harry had left Hogwarts they had accidentally met and eventually got together.
He smiled remembering that time. Harry had grown up from the pushy adolescent into a confident young man, and the attraction had been almost instant.
A sharp slap on his arm brought him out of his memories. He looked at Harry, who was grinning up at him. "What were you thinking about?"
Remus leaned down and gave Harry a short kiss on the lips. "Just thinking about how lucky we are that you finally grew up."
"Oi!" He was slapped again and grinned at his lover.
Post story notes:
As this story is AU, several of the events in the books didn't take place or took place differently. I tried to explain as much as possible in the story, but didn't want to clog it down with relatively unnecessary information.
So, for anybody who is interested in knowing what happened in Harry's life in this AU:
After the prologue, there was a phase in which all of the staff members kept a close eye on the way Hagrid and Harry got along. After initial problems, they got along just fine, Harry soon starting to become just as interested in animals as Hagrid and - unfortunately - also adopting his speech.
Several teachers decided that they would look after Harry for a while each day, making sure that he didn't have too much of an accent. Harry grew up with Hagrid, was homeschooled by Poppy and finally started Hogwarts in September, 1991 as a Gryffindor.
As Dumbledore already knew Harry more closely than in the books, he didn't set him up to find the Philosopher's Stone, but rather destroyed the stone after he received it. Unfortunately, he didn't think to look for a traitor in his own midst. Therefore he didn't find out about Voldemort hiding in Quirrel's head until Voldemort tried to take over Harry - as his arch-nemesis - when Quirrel got too weak to serve as a host any longer. With the same trick as in the book, Harry managed to keep the shadow of Voldemort from him.
However, Dumbledore had miscalculated one thing in the prologue here. Harry's protection wasn't weakened by Hagrid taking him from the Dursleys, but rather strengthened. He grew up loved and knew more about his parents - especially his mother - than he ever did in the books and consequently the love he poured into the fight damaged Voldemort much more than in the books. In this AU Voldemort is perhaps still out there somewhere, even weaker than he ever was before, or he has already ceased existing.
Second year brought a few more problems, especially in the relationship between Harry and Hagrid. The Basilisk was loose at school, but at first Harry believes along with others that Hagrid is responsible for the petrifications. Although he knew that Hagrid meant no harm, he could see that sometimes Hagrid went a bit overboard in his protection of dangerous creatures.
Only when Hagrid was taken to Azkaban did Harry change his mind and started to look for proof of Hagrid's innocence. Similar to the book, Hagrid let Harry know that he would have to follow the spiders in order to know more and Harry did so. He had known Aragog for years (and Aragog saw Harry as Hagrid's child) and entered the Forbidden Forest to ask him about it. Of course, being Hagrid's adoptive son, he knew that the 'King of Snakes' was the Basilisk and also put together that Myrtle had been the first victim.
He told Professor McGonagall about it, and she employed a specialist from China to get rid of the Basilisk.
The third year ran very similarly to the one in the books. Harry got to know about Sirius Black through Hagrid, and Sirius caught Pettigrew the one night he broke into Gryffindor Tower. When Sirius wanted to kill Pettigrew, Harry remembered the Centaurs, who once told him that 'false morals could bring just as much grief as no morals' and allowed Sirius to kill Pettigrew. Ron never forgave him for that.
Snape didn't let it slip that Remus was a werewolf.
At the beginning of fourth year, Harry couldn't visit the Quidditch Cup because he had to attend Sirius' trial. Sirius was declared innocent, however he wasn't given custody of Harry because nobody was sure of his mental stability after Azkaban. During the trial Sirius also talked about something that had been going on in Azkaban, and it came to light that Barty Crouch Jr. wasn't really dead.
Barty Crouch Sr.'s House was searched, and his son found. Crouch Sr lost his job.
The Triwizard Tournament took place, but as Remus was still teaching, Harry was only a spectator. Cedric Diggory won the Tournament.
A few problems arose between Harry and Hagrid when Hagrid started to see Olympe Maxime, but they faded relatively quickly. Harry realised the he wasn't very interested in girls and had a very embarrassing talk about it with Hagrid. In the end, he still took a girl to the Yule Ball, because he wasn't secure enough about his new identity to take a boy. Not to mention that he was much more interested in Remus than any of his classmates.
Naturally, Voldemort wasn't resurrected.
|Did you enjoy the story? Was there anything you think I could do better? Please, let me know!